So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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