walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
