Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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