Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
