Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
