I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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