ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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