The best revenge is premature balding
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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