so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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