so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
