I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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