please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
