anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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