I bet he comes in French.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
