his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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