I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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