you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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