wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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