I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
