11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
