dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize