I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
i've created a new STD.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
