why do cheetos always look like penises
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
