I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
