508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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