I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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