you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
