Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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