It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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