Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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