There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
