and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
