you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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