im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
