so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
