good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
People with herpes should wear stickers.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
