The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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