just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Of course I have a pirate flag
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
