I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
