walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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