why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
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