every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
