it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
