haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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