It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
