I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
