i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
