She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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