just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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