So drunk its hurt
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
