And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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