if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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