to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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