You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
