just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
