When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
