I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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