my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
