My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Is Oprah even human
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
