My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
