meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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