Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
