I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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