Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
