so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
