I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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