that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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