Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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