The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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