Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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