He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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