It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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